I need a vacation

I need a vacation. Honestly. And as for that rude and pointless comment on my last entry, fuck off!! this is a family place...

whee... that was fun!! Now I can have happy corn in my pocket again! ^_^

School:

I have two terms left on my school year and I'm getting bored with everything. I have to agree with a good friend on YM last night. Everything is getting too monotonous. Professors are indeed failing to support and inspire students to the point that everything seems futile.

I'm not supposed to fall into that same mindset that most MMA students in their 3rd and 4th years are now facing but I can't help it. I feel as if my dreams are slowly slipping away as I try to please the system. This shouldn't be so. I came into CSB with the hope of making my dreams into reality by learning valuable things. I did learn a lot but not from any professor but through experience from hardships, friends and philosophy.

Maybe I should switch my style. Everyone says I have a gift to draw people closer to them... I should learn to focus that strength and turn it into something that inspires others. Hell, if the system wont inspire us then maybe it's time for all of us to find inspiration from within us.

Working:

Almost done with my work for the Phil Opera Company. I already signed a contract about my pay and it seems I'm getting something good. Can't wait to spend it... heehee... well, spend a fraction of it at least.

Leisure:

I'm planning to buy a new shirt and a book. I had my eye on getting the huge hardbound copy of C.S. Lewis' Chronicles of Narnia but I found something better after going through Fully Booked one night after spending time with Gail and BJ at Rockwell (it was BJ's bday, heehee). I've always enjoyed reading David and Leigh Eddings' stories and it's nice to know he came up with a new one. My gas money was spent buying Book 1 of the Dreamers. I got home anyway :p

The book was interesting and it was still about Gods and men and how humanly they can both be. Fortunately the silly humor and sarcasm was still there. :p I just wish that the Eddings' earlier works like the Belgariad and the Mallorean will be made into a movie like Lord of the Rings. It's my opinion but I just found LOTR boring... Eddings' are the only fantasy writers who ever made me laugh out loud.

Dating:

Yes, an old acquaintance named Al (who is also bi) decided to set me up with one of his guy friends. Al set up me up with "W", a slim chinito guy with a cute dimple. Yes only one since his other dimple was more prominent than the other. Since I'm usually game on the dating scene I decided to give it a go. 10 minutes later, W called me on my celphone until we got to talking on my landline.

He's a nice guy and the conversation was going well until the question "How old are you?" came up. I answered 24 turning 25. He was like "oh". After writing the book on love, I was already aware that he wasn't too happy to know my age. "Why?" I asked.

I'm too young for him.

Ohohohohoohhohhhohohohohohohohhhohohohhohoho...

I felt like the tides have turned since most of the people I get jiggy with are younger than me by more than 3 years. Now this guy is 28 and he kept insisting that I was young.

Obviously this guy hasn't seen me yet. Bwahahahahahahahahahahaha.

40% of the conversation was thrown into convincing him that age shouldn't be a factor. After all, as what Jenjen and I say:
"MERE NUMBERS!!!"

Side note on Dating:

I'm the type of guy who gives people a chance... unless of course you spent the last few months stalking me on my celphone and that's NOT the right way to get into my pants (figuratively speaking of course). If you wanna go out just say so. :p

Shopping:

Still awaiting for my credit card to be reactivated since I reached my limit AGAIN this August. I have my eye on some nice new fashion. How I wish I was 5'10" so I can pull more metrosexual stunts with clothes and dating. Blah blah blah. I just have to be content with 5'6" me.

By the by, my new nick name is SNUGGLE BUNNY!!! thanks to Gail... which I find better than what Jgo calls me.

This gives more reason for most of my female friends to molest me. Wunderbar.

I've been seeing lots of nice pink shirts in People are People and Folded n' Hung but since I'm the "Blue guy" I'll refrain from buying more pink. Besides, it feels like I'll be raining on Robbie's parade in the SPO so I'll leave it to him to bring pink into the office.

Personals:

Would you trust someone with this e-mail subject:
"Looking for friends with benefits"

Good luck, buddy.

Anyhoo... I've currently making new drawings to set up for the 10th anniversary of Assorted Nuts for next year. Wheee!!! It's been 10 years guys! :p

Oh, and I'm playing keyboards again... hopefully I can compose new stuff soon. :)

Mood: Moody!
Listening to: Seiya no Omoi - Arisawa Takanori (such a beautiful piano piece in less than 2 minutes)

and Nick goes down the hole

WHOEVER SAID THAT CHERIFER
SLOGAN THAT
TALL IS COOL
SHOULD JUST DIE!!!!

*sigh*

here I am again, the higher powers that be are testing me...

Maybe I'm really bi...

Circumstances are going against what I believe is my path in life...

But I wont deny what happens. If I get it on with a guy then I wont deny it.

and I'm still responsible for my decisions... and I wont cry anymore...

---------

In other news...

Bati na kami nung friends ko. :p

At dahil mahal nya tayo....

Masaya ako ngayon kasi mahal nya pala tayo:



Yes, MAHAL nya po tayong lahat...

so mahal ko rin sya.


La lang...

Ahihihihihihihihi :D

How well do u know me?

This is a test I made... hehe. Gotta hand it to Zeerohuy. :p

Take my Quiz on QuizYourFriends.com!

Lesson learned portion

Ah.. Emotional Hell... rash judgements and self-pride create more havoc. Unfortunately damages have been done and only time can tell if they will heal.

Judgemental me

It's in my nature to attack when attacked. I am sorry but I had to react. Why? Because my whole being was on the line. The entire issue here is if people think that I'm making rash decisions about my life then people should tell me about it. I'd rather talk about it person to person. It's also something I should learn to do.

Just because I said I found a new barkada does not imply that I have left old friends. Why the misconceptions? We are all entitled to meet new friends. Especially now that the sentai is busy with their own devices. Some of us are working while some of us are busy with thesis.

Like what BJ said, things have changed and we can't really turn back time to how things were. Change doesn't mean it has to be bad.

I dont want to get the impression that I dont care about old friends because I DO! Like what Richard told me, "Meet new friends but always treasure old friends". As much as possible I reach out to the people I met before. Altho what I dont get is that why am I the one who usually reaches out first....

Maybe my sudden outburst is just me saying "I miss everyone... why doesn't anyone tell me anything anymore?"

If only I can place everyone I care for inside a huge room, that'd be great.. so I can tell everyone how much they mean to me.

New Friendships

If this is about me finding new barkadas, it's something that will happen to all of us. I have multiple barkadas throughout the course of my life. From the "3 amigos", "Sailorteam", "DDR Fairview", "Manila Game Dancers", "Block A51", "Sentai", "Isengarth clan" to "SPO gang", I haven't forgotten all of them and up to now I still think about each and everyone.

Diversity makes us grow as human beings. Everytime I meet with these old barkadas we laugh again together and it's ok if we talk about new friends. Experiences are shared and people grow from it.

Art Style

I'm happy to say that my art style is somewhat improving. I'm practising vectoring right now (altho Robbie says that I'm not exactly doing vector graphics... malay ko ba. Teach me then, o great one :p ). Anyhoo... the new styles kinda open my eyes to facial proportioning and hopefully in a few months I'll be better.

Meagan is turning out to be an even bigger hottie than Rose... O___o

I just hope than I still retain my soul inside these drawings... and the message to inspire embedded in them.

SPO - Probies division

The new people joining our ranks as the new generation of the Benildean Press Corps are remarkable. People like Bordge, Josh, Robbie, Donn, Raine, Caloy, Carla, CJ, Vida, Des, Jainie, Vail, Darlene, etc bring new life to the office. Sometimes even too much life. *lol*

The EB calls them my children. So what do I call them then? Children of the Blue Carrot?? Hehehe... I'm getting fond of most of them and it's kinda sad to think that I'll be gone in 2 terms... I wish I can get to know all of them.

Baka ibili nanaman ako ng turon nila Caloy and Carla. Hehe...And If Robbie is reading this, yes, sumisipsep ako (right back at you, man!) :D

SPO - In General

The office is now my haven from the degrading and demoralizing system of CSB. Sadly, when everyone in the office would rather work in the SPO than go to class then something is DEFINITELY wrong with the school system.

For one thing, the encoding system is fucked up BIG TIME! I won't go into details since Jenjen or JM will be writing an article about it.

Speaking of which, the Fashion Design course are having their marketing week so Plaza V is like a mini-gakuensai. It's funny tho that the food tend to sell more than the trinkets and clothes they are selling.

Grad pic

I look like a girl in my grad pic. Nuff said. Altho everyone looks feminine anyway *lol*. I need a few more copies of the small pics. Lots of people are asking for them. Hehe... Pope says I look younger tho. Haha! That earned him a free cheese pinipig ice drop!

Mood: Light headed...
Listening to: Nagareboshi e (Search for your love) by the Three Lights

Betrayed

I feel betrayed in alot of aspects right now. How? People who I thought were my friends say things behind my back.

Suddenly my decision to become straight is a sin. How so? Is it because I'm not being true to myself? Is it because I deny who I am? Let's say I am not being true to myself. Does that make me any less of a human being? Does it mean that I'm being stupid? I am aware of my decisions and I have to be responsible enough to take it like a human being. I don't do things out on a whim. I'm not a child.

So now they hate me for becoming straight or how I've become. I am aware of the consequences. Who says that a person can change overnight? It'll take a while or even it might last forever. I don't care. It's my life and it's something I must believe in even if it's going to be painful. I have my reasons for choosing my paths in life and I'll stick by it. There's always a higher purpose for me and I plan to find and achieve it.

Whatever crap I go through, I'm still responsible for it because this is my life. This will probably be the same thing I'll teach my kids... if I ever do have kids.

I seem to remember how they've slowly eased their lives away from me until a wall has been erected. Do they even consider how much I feel right now? Do they even talk to me about it? Do they even know how much it hurts to know that whenever I change that I am judged for it? Do they know how painful it is when I am left alone while everyone enjoys a great time?

I'm beginning to feel that whenever someone displeases that person or goes beyond the standard character mindset that person built around that person, he becomes "Justin". Now I know why a wall was built. I'm someone people just can give up on no matter how much hope I place in them.

But I dont hate them. They are welcome to judge me and place their opinions. They have the right to do so.

And I won't feel bad. This is something that had to happen. Only God knows why but I'll believe in Him. I'll admit. I'm a pathetic selfish coward. But it's okay. I know my flaws. Now I'm doing something about it.

It's my fault for being eager in wanting to find a relationship, so I wont be left behind, so I wont be a geek, so I wont be lonely. Maybe this is what was needed to happen. I need to strengthen my resolve and focus on what my purpose is. Maybe because of that, I am needed to be lonely. But I keep on missing the point that I'm not alone. I've been blessed by hundreds of friends who subtly teach me diversity and life. Love takes on many forms and finding your one true love is not the only purpose we exist.