I AM an Eternal Dreamer

As you've all noticed, I was at that point where I was about to lower my sails of my ship in the sea of life.

I was this close to become a quitter. A "has been". A lost shimmering soul fading away.

I just realized how lucky I am to have friends with their ships silently sailing beside mine. I am still part of this small hopeful group called Eternal Dreamers... They never gave up on me the same way I never gave up on any of them and now they are willing to offer a hand if ever I had trouble steering...

My birthday marked the first time the sentai became one... and it also marked the beginning of the Eternal Dreamers...

Ace, BJ, Gerr, Milo... these people who stood by me through every crap I went through for many years still didn't give up on me even though I thought their ships have sailed on far from mine. Camaraderie, strength of will, brilliance, group dynamics and theraphy... these make us one. Even beyond the group of Eternal Dreamers sailed ships with their own quests offering laughter, friendship, comfort, love, etc... most of these people are from the Sailorteam and the SPO people.

I didn't realize but if I look from a bird's eye view of the sea of life, I have a whole armada sailing around me.

This post is a huge thanks to everyone... all my friends. I can't write down all of you but you know who you are.

Looks like I wont be quitting school or the SPO anymore. Hehe, BJ's right about his reply to my last post. What's life without a few challenges? Sure they're tough, but we're tougher!

I am a foolish dreamer ... and I am proud to be one because it keeps my sails bright and my heart young.

Mood: Rarin' to go
Listening to: Only Lonely Glory by Bump of Chicken

I need to be free again

I used to be a loner...

One of the perks of being a loner is that your decisions will not affect others. No one is involved. Lately I've been hanging out with a lot of people and I've grown fond with most of them. My red string of fate is connected to scores of people now. I enjoy the company I get and the love I feel but I miss being alone.

I am free-willed and free spirited. Are these strings of fate tying me down? I hope not.

Lately I have been in a foul mood that I don't know what to do or think sometimes. I've been neglecting my job and studies. This is not right.

I know what to do and how I will live my life but due to a constraint called College, I get annoyed and I feel my growth is stunted. All my life I lived without relying on the "things I learned" from school. I can't write anymore, I can't compose songs anymore, I can't draw anymore... fuck. I don't know myself anymore.

Ace gave me one of the best birthday tributes tho. I taught people before to see the whimsical side of life. Why can't I do that for myself? Why can't I be like that again?

I miss me.

BJ told me that if I needed to give myself to think, I need to start form square one. I need a reset. I need to get away from alot of things...

Maybe I'll quit the SPO, maybe I'll quit school soon... maybe I'll move to the states next month to find myself.

Whatever I do with my life now... I just hope I regain that light I lost along the way...

Mood: I dunno what to feel
Listening to: Silence

Survey from Jgo... :D

galing kay Jgo... hehe, wala lang

FACT 1:
- Name: Nick Barrameda
- Birth date: Sept 26, 1980 (lapit na noh?)
- What are you doing now: nagpapa-antok

FACT 2: Your?
- Most overused phrase(s): "hweh?", "ay...", "ay wala na..."
- Thoughts first waking up: gusto ko pa matulog...
- Usual bedtime: 1-3 am
- Most missed memory: when I used to be more freewilled and carefree

FACT 3: Preferences..?
- Pepsi or Coke: Pepsi (Diet)
- McDonald's or Burger King: Burger King
- Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate
- Cappuccino or Latte: Latte

FACT 4: Do you?
- Smoke: dati...
- Sing: sa videoke, when I feel like it, pag nagdrdrive
- Have a crush: uu naman
- Do you think you're really in love: ahihihihihihihihihihi
- Want to get married: yes (mapalalaki o babae man basta mahal namin isa't-isa)
- Believe in yourself: but of course
- Get motion sickness: pag umiikot ng mabilis
- Think you're attractive: minsan... pag ok hair ko feeling ko gwapo na ako XD
- Think you're a health freak: somewhat
- Get along with your parents : yup... I love my mom so much
- Like thunderstorms: as long as the lightning bolts wont hit me
- Play an instrument: keyboards... konti drums

FACT 5: In the past month, you?
- Drank alcohol: nope
- Gone on a date: sadly, no (miss ko na makipag-date)
- Gone to the mall: oh yes, lalo na pag 20th of the month pag ok na uli credit card ko. Nyahahahaha.
- Eaten sushi: yup, dont like it dat much... except for salmon
- Been on stage: yep

FACT 6:
- Age you hope to be married: 28-38yrs old but whenever is fine.
- Number of Children: ... 4 sounds nice (adopted or reproduced)
- Names: for girls (Aeris, Raine, Terra and Flare), for boys (Xenon, Aqua, Rocky and Vern)
- Describe your Dream Wedding: either sa sea side or sa garden... tapos may parlor games sa reception :p
- What do you want to be when you grow up? animator/comic artist/good husband/proud father

FACT 8: In a girl/boy you would want?
- Best hair color: black or brown... if other colors ok lang as long as nadadala
- Short or long hair: any as long as hindi kalbo
- chinito, mestizo or moreno: basta kyot :p
- gwapo/maganda o matalino: pwede bang cute at mapagmahal
- dark or fair: basta kyot nga e :p
- Gone skating: (napaka out of place nitong tanong na to a) Yes, ice, inline and skateboard :p

FACT 9: List the number of:
- People u trust with your life: as countless as the stars above
- cd u own: 500 na ata or more...
- Piercings: none
- Tattoos: none

FACT 9: What..?
-song are you listening to now? Aerith's theme - Piano Version
-What time is it now?: 2:11 am
-What is ur fav subject?: anything to do with illustration, sketching, rendering, animating or drawing.:)

Embracing my other sides...

A Libran without his balance

Lately I noticed that I've been very moody that I feel like my 6 other selves are having a Mardi Gras in my brain without the paper mache heads...

An old friend of mine, who used to be a harbringer of the holy order turned dark a few months ago. Probably because he kept on denying the darkness in him. A few weeks ago I chose to stop denying the darkness in me and embrace it as a part of me. It takes a while getting used to but I found myself more aggressive now than before. Unfortunately, my tolerance levels also went down.

Plus... my primary motto of "I am what you are to me" has reached new heights. Probably because I've been screwed up for the past 25 years that now I dont seem to care anymore. If you dont want to talk to me then to hell with you. I wish I'm not hardened yet... but I hope I can control this dark side of me.

All I have to do now is find my equillibrium and it'll be better. A libran without balance is like a eating a hamburger without the patty.

The official driver of the Sailorteam

As the mini title says, I am now the official driver of my highschool barkada. I'm just happy that I was able to drive from Novaliches to Los Banos and back safely.

Diana is now going abroad for work so we all decided to go to Los Banos as a "final for now" bonding trip as a group. Too bad Gjil couldn't make it due to religious activites (not that I'm bitter about it but I find most organized religions to have unnecessary activites). There's seven of us who joined in: Bunny, Diana. Alithea, Charisse, Marie, Mike and me.

The trip was fun (save for the part the girls talked about Pinoy Bigbrother on the road). We stayed at City of Springs for only 2,600 which included a nice spacious room with aircon, a minibar, cable tv and a jacuzzi. Food was great since we spent only 300 for all of us by buying rice from a carinderia, bbq sa kanto and good old puto bungbong. :p Good company, nice atmosphere, good food... what more could u ask? ( A bf/gf sounds nice, hehehe). Videoke was fun too... I think we spent 200 on the machine we totally hogged.

I had to sleep more tho since I need all the energy to drive back to Manila.

Farewell Artemis

My blessing of a pure white kitten has been cut short. I dunno why or how he died but I came home to see him lying on the ground barely breathing with his blue eyes looking at me silently. Panicking, I went online to find a way to save him. Gerr found me a great site on how to make a formula to save a dying kitten. I tried my best to save him but he died the next morning...

I'm gonna miss him so much. I have a feeling he waited for me to come home before saying goodbye...

And the Magic Flute saga continues...

I finally got my downpayment for the Magic Flute project for the Phil Opera Company. YAY! I wont telln how much or else people will flock to me asking for a treat. Too bad. My birthday's around the corner so just wait for that.

I few more additional revamped scenes and I'm done!!! This will be my last freelance work until I graduate.

Rose for a Pianist

Before getting my paycheck, I stopped over Rockwell to park since wala parking sa Kalayaan from morning to afternoon. Pope was having a craving for the Hot Chicken Floss bread from Breadtalk so I bought him one since I needed to go to school to pick up BJ and give Caloy a CD (which I completely forgot in the car).

I got delayed going to school tho since I saw this old lady playing the piano. She was good and her groove is light jazz so it really made me feel like sitting down nearby to listen. She played lovely Frank Sinatra songs. After a while I found myself already clapping after each song. I requested for her to play The Way You Look Tonight and she played it magnificently. I went over to Holland Tulips and bought her a red rose as a sign of appreciation for such talent and honor to have experienced her music.

Mood: Tired
Listening to: Heidrian and Rose arguing about her choice of outfits

A lot has happened these past few days... hmm... I'll just point out the important ones: :D

MTV Music Awards:

Thanks to Ate Belle I scored lower box tickets. :) I asked out alot of people but only 5 can go with me since I only had 6 tickets. The fortunate ones to go with me were Jenjen, Caloy, Charles and Joseph. Di or Santi wanted to go but due to circumstances... well... so ayun, sayang ang isang ticket. We did see Brian, Aaron and Renito in Araneta.

It could have been a great awards night if not for the sound system which sucked big time.

Wasted si Charles so he was nodding off. Caloy and I were going nuts in our seats especially when Francine Prieto appeared. Hehe. Cindy Kurleto was very pretty too. The bands that played like Hale, Radioactive Sago Projects, etc were ok as well as the powerful percussive performance of Gary Valenciano and his son. The gang had a pic with Rex Navarette after the show. Too bad, I wanted a pic with Francine.

The show ended at around 12 so everyone was feeling hungry. We met Santi outside Araneta and we had ourselves a little road trip. We went to Timog and ate at one of the cheapest full service Chinese restaurants ever. I forgot the name of the place but I did treat the guys for 2 bowls of Yang Chow fried rice, Beef with broccoli and Lemon Chicken.

R'meo luvs Dewlhiett:

Joseph, Pope, Jenjen and I watched this jologs adaptation of one of Shakespeare's timeless classics. It was a riot. I'd gladly recommend this play to all my friends. Joseph and I wanted to invite more people but some found the ticket price expensive. Di was right tho that the 200 peso ticket was well worth it.

Earlier tho, I took Jenjen, Pope and Joseph to Rockwell help Jenjen buy an mp3 player and to check out the new and improved Fully Booked. Joseph didn't want to leave. Hehe. The new layout was large and it felt more like a library than a bookstore.

After the play we ate at Dencio's near CCP. I treated again... It's almost becoming a pattern already for me to treat people. I love doing that...

New Phone:

I got a new phone since my old 3650 conked out on me. It served me well for 2 years and 3 months. My new phone is a 3230... and looks like we'll be bestfriends.. hehehe. I am going to be paying 1,200 pesos a month for the next 18 months to pay for it. It's all good I think, the money coming in from miscellaneous rackets are coming along nicely. I just hope I can save too for the future.


Di and Jr... making binyag my new phone. It's the first shot ever taken ^_^


Gumaganda daw si Di sa phone ko :)


I dunno what Jaja is doing.. hehe


La lang... cute ko no? :p

Emotion:

After much research and searching I was able to find that song from that video Avigs brought into out lives: The beloved "chinas-locas.wmv" (It's Korean so why Chinas??)


They look normal here...


Come on.... :))


I wanna marry the girl on the left just to see how are kids will act


Course Cards:

I'd rather not talk about it but I was greatly depressed about it. I feel the whole MMA system is collapsing so I'm greatly unmotivated with the whole thing.

I wanted to quit school and start working.

Thankfully a lot of my friends cheered me up. Thanks goes to Jaja, Jgo, BJ, Jr, Nep, Sir Randy, Caloy, Karla and Pope. It really meant a lot to me.

Sentai mini-reunion:

BJ was feeling out of it and we we're starting to miss the old gang. I texted Gerr, Ace and Mike to arrange a mini-reunion for BJ. Mike said he was feeling sick so only Gerr, BJ and Ace made it. :(

Gerr, Ace and I met at Libis at around 11 AM to look at Toei. Good Lord, I want to work there too. They told me not to scream when we enter the "Pearly gates". After seeing the huge tarp of Sailorvenus I wanted to cry like a little girl. I SOOOOOOOOO wanted to take it home. X3

After that, we went to Rockwell to do some damage. (Btw, Ace drove and I'm very proud of her). I treated (YET AGAIN) at Chinese Monk and we had a great time. BJ brought his laptop with him so we got to see that silly video "chinas-locas" once more. We raved about it, hehe and we SOOOOOOOO want to make a website for it. Nyahahahahahahahahahahaha.

We played at the arcade and sang Japanese songs by Bump of Chicken, Do as Infinity, L'Arc n Ciel, Koda Kumi and Utada Hikaru. Too bad my favorite song by Mika Nakashima wasn't there.


BJ at the guitars



Gerr and Ace playing that sugar coated highly cutesy Taiko no Tatsujni 7 game


Gerr and Ace :p


Ace and me :p

Sleepover part deux:

There were a lot of people who were supposed to come along but due to circumstances, well...



Di and Joanah, Rambutan Models care of Meggee :p

Anyhoo, it's good thing these people made it :) :
- Pope (he had to be there, it's his birthday the next day so we had to be there to greet him)
- Jgo (wow, she actually pulled it off! I'm so happy she's there)
- Joanah (another wow! she texted me earlier saying how happy she was to be allowed to come, I'm so happy too)
- JR (like the first slumber party, he slept through it like a log)
- Johnny (enjoyed the PS2 like crazy again, too bad he left earlier with JR to layout)
- Alwin (we lived in Q.C. to so he dropped by to join on a little fun. Too bad he left early too)
- BJ (he acted like the 2nd in command. We enjoyed his dreamcast a lot)
- Di (our beloved EiC spent most of the time watching feel good movies... which felt good ^_^)
- Josh (the masted chef lives on! I still can't get enough of his chicken poppers!)
- Joseph (he forgot the Hello Kitty alarm clock but it's ok. He enjoyed a certain "toy" so much he spent a portion of the night spinning with it)
- Vinci (he graced us with his prescence once more! He took over the kitchen with Josh)
- Caloy (the general laughter came from him. His cheerfulness powered up the party by 10 fold)

So what did we do? Dreamcast galore with Sega Tennis, Powerstone 2 and Monopoly. Movie watching with feel good movies like Head Over Heels, Bridget Jone's Diary and You Got Mail. Late night road trip to 7-11 to buy ice cream and snacks. Food trip courtesy of Josh, Vinci, Jgo, Pope, BJ, Caloy and me.

The pics can be found at Jgo's blog: http://witchesandfacades.blogspot.com :)

There's gonna be a part 3 of course. I wonder who will be the host for part 3? I just hoped that more people came along tho. I just wished they talked to me about it. I'm very approachable and if you got something to say, say it.

Artemis:

I have a new cat!!! WHEEEEE!!! X3. He's so cute and fluffy and... pure white!!! I named him Artemis as that of Sailorvenus', A.K.A, Minako's companion cat Artemis. I've always wanted a white cat. He's so adorable and terribly playful. He loves to sleep beside my right ear which I can't stand since I'm too ticklish in that area. :)




Book Fair:

One of those impromptu trips. Heehee. Joseph, Di, BJ and I went over to World Trade Center to visit the book fair. We would have arrived earlier if only I didn't leave my license over at the guard station at Joseph's subdivision. We wondered why the subdivision number thingy on the dashboard. Oh well... Di pa kasi ako kumakain nun kaya tanga mode nanaman ako.

I bought two books... Paulo Coelho's Warrior of the Light and A Primer on Pinoy Wordplay which was funny. I was looking for hard bound copies of David Edding's books but I found none :(

We went to Blue Wave afterwards for some dinner (I didn't treat this time :p) at Max's then after dropping Di at her home, we guys went over to Rockwell to buy Artemis some cat food since I intend for that kitty to grow big and fluffy ^_^. I was trying to teach Joseph how to play the drums and listen to the beat. Looks like he has a long way to go... like I did. It took me a long time to finally get the concept of playing Percussion Freaks. He'll get there. I have lots hope in him. :)

Mood: Playful
Listening to: Emotion by Yu Chae Young

At dahil lokaloka si Ace

GUSTO

Gusto ko ng: -- Yang chow fried rice
Gusto kong maging: -- tagapagtanggol ng mga naaapi
Gusto ko si: -- sekwet
Gusto ko sanang: -- lumipad
Gusto ko yatang: -- pumatay ng mga taong kinaiinisan ko
Gusto ko lang na: -- magmahal.... ahuhuhuhuh
Gusto ko pa ng: -- madaming pera


ANO

Anong palayaw mo: -- nick, nicky, nicky boy
Anong ginagawa mo ngaun: -- nag"rorosary" BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (jhok)
Anong gagawin mo mamaya: -- matutulog
Anong plano mo sa sabado: -- maghabol ng manok
Anong kailangan mong tapusin ngaun: -- work sa POC
Anong pinag-kakaabalahan mo: -- my novel and comix :*

AYOKO

Ayoko ng: -- taong plastic
Ayokong maging: -- mahirap
Ayoko si: -- mahirap na at malaking scandal to kaya hindi ko na sasabihin
Ayoko sanang: -- maging boy-toy
Ayoko yatang: -- tumandang nag-iisa
Ayoko lang na: -- inuunderestimate ako
Ayoko pang: -- tumanda

KAILAN

Kailan ka ipinanganak: -- 09-26-80
Kailan ka unang nakipag away/sabunutan: -- grade 3 (suntukan)
Kailan ka nagsimulang magsinungaling: -- sperm pa lang ako sinungaling na ako... why do u tink buhay ako ngayon?
Kailan ka nagsimulang magpacute: -- refer to my answer above
Kailan ka unang nagka crush: -- kinder ako... 2 silang cute na girls :*
Kailan ka unang umibig: -- wala kayong mapapala sakin sa tanong na yan <--- tama
Kailan ka unang nabigo: -- ... saan?

SINO

Sino ang una mong hinangaan: -- si Steve Armstrong at si Red 1
Sino ang una mong naging crush: -- nalimutan ko na name nila
Sino ang taong hindi mo makakalimutan: --marami
silang ganyan. baka sila limot na ko <-- totoo...
Sino ang kinakatakutan mo: -- si Almighty

HINDI

Hindi ako nag: -- tatatakbo ng hubo't-hubat in public (contrary to popular belief)
Hindi ako mag: -- hahanap ng relasyon muna
Hindi ko kayang: -- tumambling
Hindi ko yata: - kayang kumain ng madami uli
Hindi ako: -- mapakali
Hindi ko kailangan ng: -- taong hindi pumapansin sakin
Hindi dapat mag: -- isip na pumatay ng tao
Hindi na kailangan pang: -- akoy ibili ng turon (pero gusto ko pa rin)

SANA

Sana ay: -- magkatotoo ang 6 kong personalities para hindi na ako lonely
Sana akoy: -- makahanap ng tunay na pag-ibig
Sana lang: -- matuto na ako magbasa ng nota sa musika
Sana naman: -- mahanap ko na ang aking kasiyahan
Sana dapat: -- hindi na ako tamad
Sana huwag: -- ako maubusan ng kaibigan
Sana bukas: -- malaya na ako sa inis
Sana sa susunod na linggo: -- ako'y kampante na
Sana sa susunod na buwan: -- masmaligaya na ako
Sana sa susunod na taon: -- nasa Seattle na ako!